As a lifeguard for many years, we were taught that the kid screaming and splashing is not the one thats in real trouble.  The quiet one that barely has their head above water and their eyes are looking for an answer on how they are going to survive. 
  I realize that it has been over a year since my last post.  I have been drowning.  Last year about this time our attempt at running our own buisness had failed and we were left with a mountain of debt and little to no direction on which way to go to get out.  By closing our buisness we moved a lot of things to our home.  We put broken lawn mowers, weed eaters and chainsaws out back.  Filled our carport with workbenches, a tirechange machine, a aircompressor and so much more.  Our house was filled with boxes of parts and equipment, office furniture and toolboxes. Trying to organize the house while taking care of my 6 kids plus my neice and nephew while I was pregnant turned out to be a challenge.  Not much happened to fix my home.  I just figured once school started I would be able to do more.  Then I would only have 2 kids home for a little bit.  But before I knew it, baby number 7 was here.  And the holidays. Bam!  It felt like all I could do was feed people.  I would nurse, then feed other kids then myself then nurse again.  I feel blessed to have a baby with such a healthy appetite and no complications but as my mom tells me, having a baby is like having 5 kids.  They do take a lot of your time. But I made it through the holidays, even though I still have Christmas presents to mail, my neices and nephews will love getting the presents whenever they do make it. 
   This spring it has really hit me.  The realization that I am not progressing.  I am just staying a float.  And its not like I don't get help from people that love me.  Those little breaks are wonderful.  And some days I feel stronger than others.  But other days I feel overwhelmed.  So many people that I love and want to help.  So many things to do in my home.  So many clutter piles to clean up.  So many projects I want to do. So much time already gone.  But I am an optimist and I know that it will be alright.  Eventually my house will be organized and I will lose my baby weight and we will be out of debt.  So how do I cope now?  I look at my lifeguard, my savior, and know that He will not let me drown. He knows I am becoming stronger through this.  He sends me directions regularly and most importantly love. 
  I know of a few other people that are drowning and I hope they can see their lifeguard.  Jesus Christ is our savior and he loves us.  We will make it.  And as Dory sings on Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming."